I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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