Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
