Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
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I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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