is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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