Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
