Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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