I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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