Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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