come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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