He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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