This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize