I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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