Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
