a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
