I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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