no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
