It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
