so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
