Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
