And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
