the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
