Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
nutella sex= disaster
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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