i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
