Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
