I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
