can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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