nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
