can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
we're so committed to being not committed
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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