Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
