Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
