I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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