I think i peed on brittanys purse
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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