you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
