What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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