You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Randomize
