Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
