sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
