Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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