so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
