look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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