I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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