I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize