exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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