I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
