Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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