There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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