She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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