I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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