i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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