so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
and she was petting her beer can
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
