If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
