I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Randomize
