We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
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He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
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She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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