No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
