that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
