I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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