You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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