Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
