Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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