Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
