today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
