yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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