Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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