she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I want her autograph on my taint
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
