would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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