Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
literally had 100 drinks last night.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
